I have had many people comment on my sunny disposition, particularly from my patients! Even more people are suprised to learn that underneath this I am ‘struggling’ (for want of a better word) with lots and lots of external and internal negative factors – as many of us are in the current climate.
My secret is to practice gratitude and look for the silverlining in everything, or as my trusty co-pilot at home would say, unbearable optimism. There are a few things that go into achieving this and it is very much a learned behaviour through extensive mindset readjustment and prompting from others (thanks, Mum!) It takes practice but with time can build your resilience to negative life experiences.
There are 4 main steps involved in practicing Unbearable Optimism:
Step 1 – Wallowing
Being unbearably optimistic does not mean I don’t get sad, or angry or feel a bit rubbish-y on occasion, because I do. I give myself a little bit of grace when things get super tough and I allow myself to wallow in those feelings. I refer to this as “feeling the big feelings” and it’s a great way to instantly communicate to Harry (long-suffering boyfriend) that I’m having an off-day, I might not feel like talking about it, but that i’m handling it. These feelings are the ones we don’t stuff down and ignore because they’ll find their way out in a less constructive way later on, aimed at the wrong person, often leaving destruction in their wake. The trick to this is setting yourself a timer on the wallowing… I have no hard and fast rules on how long but there is always a pre-determined end to this behaviour.
Side note: how you wallow is up to you, I personally prefer to spend a day eating chocolate, watching my favourite feel-good films and tucking myself up under a blanket. You might prefer to wallow at the gym, or by taking a long walk. The how isn’t important as long as you acknowledge that you feel rubbish-y and you maybe don’t feel like putting on a brave face – give yourself permission to feel this way.
Step 2 – Finding the silver lining
This part is like playing a weird game of Cards Against Humanity. The phrase is “it could be worse, it/I could be…” then fill in the blank. This step is not intended to diminish how you feel, because although others may have it worse that doesn’t invalidate your experiences (it’s not a competition!) The objective of this exercise is to give you a bit of space and perspective because when you’re “in” the situation it can feel so overwhelmingly awful you can’t see a way out. So first imagine if it was worse and then work backwards from there.
Step 3 – Lights, camera, action
If the last step made you think “it could be worse, but it could always be better, too” then this is where the magic happens! You’re right, it could be better, so what are you going to do about it? Think about the things that need to improve, pinpoint the factors you have control over, put a plan in place to take charge and change them yourself. Taking positive action towards improving the situation at hand is the only way you can truly get yourself out of a rut. I personally find this easier than other people may do because I’m highly motivated and have a strong sense of influence over my surroundings (known as an internal locus of control). I don’t believe I can completely control everything, but I do believe there is always a positive action I can do to improve how I’m feeling. I’m not about to let Fate decide, I’m grabbing Fate and telling her what I’m about!
Pro tip: if you’re really struggling to find positive actions you can personally take then start small. Sometimes immediate improvement comes in the form of a cup of tea. If you have larger barriers to navigate that you really cannot change then your positive action may be asking for help.
Step 4 – Daily gratitude
This is more like a bonus step than a requirement but it’s worth it. Practicing gratitude will help you to see positives in every day, even if overall you’ve had a bad day. When a larger life event happens you will find it easier to pull yourself out of wallowing and find the silverlining if you are already doing it regularly when life feel more settled. Again, things you feel grateful for can be big or small, logical or outlandish. I once wrote down that i was grateful for my two hands because without them it would take EVEN LONGER to type up my patient notes (it was at the end of a very long admin day!)
That concludes the 4 steps to unbearable optimism, once you’ve got this nailed you will feel more resiliant to whatever life throws at you, improve your chance of preventing burnout and reduce the amount of time you spend feeling like life has given you a proverbial beat-down.
If you’re still struggling, or feel you could do with more guidance then it might be time to have a conversation about how I can help. You can always book this in via my website for Mindset Coaching where we can explore the options on how to improve your wellbeing together. Just click here to book!
Wisbey Osteopathy 